Why do I draw? It’s a question I have been thinking about a lot recently.
More so whilst I am here in Mexico, mainly because there are lots of things to draw - or rather perhaps lots of things I feel like I should be drawing. I always have a feeling when I see something interesting that says ‘ Oh I should be drawing that’ but then I sit down to draw it and nothing really inspires me or I end up doing it and getting very impatient that it’s not finished yet and hating the end result and myself a bit. I know I am not ‘meant’ to draw anything - so why then is there is internal feeling to do so? Does it come from a place of wanting to or ‘feeling I should - because I always have; mentality.
When I was younger I drew all the time and it was for the joy of it! I loved to draw and subconsciously it was probably a way of working the world out. When I got older and was at school and moved into 6th form it was the basis for all of my work, I drew an idea before anything else and I was encouraged to do so and I loved to experiment with different methods / styles.
At university it continued, I have pages and pages of sketchbooks of doodles, ideas and notes. I think whilst I was there though something changed within me and I stopped drawing for pleasure and started to draw with more intention and reason. Then when I found something out or go to a point of inquisition I was happy with, the drawing seemed a bit redundant. The pleasure aspect almost seemed ridiculous, as if there always needed to be a reason or a ‘brief’ to draw and that feeling has stayed with me ever since.
Now when I sit down to draw I will myself to be inquisitive, but I find it pointless. I hear myself saying - why don’t you just take a picture. I would just take a picture if there wasn’t this feeling of the continued will to draw something. An artist I follow on Instagram - Trevor H.Smith - you can follow his interesting instagram HERE> posted about this too recently. How he had to overcome a fear of drawing. I had suspected that I might perhaps be afraid of drawing too, but not wanting to confront this I kind of ignored it.
Why would I have a fear of drawing - there are of course lots of elements that go through your head when your drawing - for me a lot of them are negative. When I visit drawing exhibitions or see a drawing I like, my first thought is always - damn that’s so good, why didn’t I think of that! Which is absolutely absurd.
So I still care about drawing, I want to do it more so than ever before, but I seem to stall or falter when it actually comes to the act of it. So in the spirit of a recent blog (trying more things for the joy of it and worrying about the end point or whether it looks good on my C.V less) I need to find a way to draw again.
To get myself out of my drawing pit - I am going to give myself a new challenge every week and try my hardest now to worry about the outcomes. Suggestions are welcome of course. Or if you are an artists reading this and you feel my pain, please get in touch - let’s share stories - let’s share drawings? Direct Message me on my INSTAGRAM - OR EMAIL VIA MY WEBSITE…
Some recent drawings I have done below. I hate them. But I need to get over that.
